One Shabbat morning two years ago, I led a service with no bar or bat mitzvah, jointly with Cantor Mamber. On such occasions, when students are present, I invite them, one at a time, to come to the Torah, with an adult, to recite the blessings for practice. When a student’s parent is present, I call the parent to the Torah and ask the student to join him or her. On this occasion I offered an aliyah to a mother whom I had often seen bringing her child to Hebrew School, prayer class and services, always staying to attend the service with her child. The mother said “Rabbi, I can’t” and Cantor Mamber whispered to me across the pulpit Hi lo yihudiyah “She’s not Jewish!”
I was stunned. This mother was doing everything we would want a Jewish parent to do to help her child prepare for bar or bat mitzvah. It never occurred to me that she wasn’t Jewish. I discussed this in connection with our Yom Kippur morning Torah reading, from parashat Nitzavim, in the book of Deuteronomy. The portion begins atem nitzvaim hayom kulkhem lifnei Adonai elohaikhem “You stand this day, all of you before Adonai your God” your tribal heads, elders, officials, wives, children and “even the stranger within your camp.” The Torah says our ancestors left Egypt with a “mixed multitude” of non-Israelites who chose to join the Exodus community and accept a shared destiny. Wasn’t that what this non-Jewish mother did when she married a Jewish man and agreed to join a synagogue and raise her children as Jews?
Temple Beth Rishon has a growing number of such families, in which one parent is not Jewish, that have decided together to join a synagogue and raise their children as Jews. Most of our temple families have relatives by marriage who are not Jewish, as I have. These non-Jewish relatives by marriage – spouses, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law, nieces, nephews and cousins – are part of our community. Moreover, these people are part of our lives.
I believe that our community has been enriched by welcoming interfaith families who have chosen to live a Jewish life and would be poorer without them – and I don’t mean financially. I estimate that over 20% of the current students in our Hebrew School come from interfaith families. We try to impart to them, and to all our students, the joy and beauty of our Jewish faith and traditions so that they will want to identify as Jews, while always showing respect for the religion of their non-Jewish parent.
I believe that we should view as an opportunity – for Judaism, rather than a problem, those interfaith families who choose to live Jewish lives within our modern, liberal understanding of the covenant referred to in the text – observing Shabbat and Jewish holidays, following our moral and ethical commandments and sending their children to our school. It is my hope that we can gain greater vitality for Judaism by engaging interfaith couples and their children and encouraging them to choose to participate actively in the life of our congregation and of the larger Jewish community.
Rabbi Emert recently shared with me a High Holiday message addressed to interfaith families from Rabbi Janet Marder, of Los Altos, CA, that I would like to share with you:
“You are the moms and dads who drive the Hebrew School carpool. You help explain to your kids why it’s important to get up early and stay late to learn to be a Jew. You take classes and read Jewish books to deepen your own understanding, so you can help to make a Jewish home. You learn to make kugel and latkes; you try to like gefilte fish [some would say that it’s an “acquired taste”] you learn to put on a Seder; you learn to put up a sukkah. You join your spouse at the Shabbat table – maybe you even set that Shabbat table and make it beautiful. You come to services, even when it feels strange and confusing at first. You stand on the bimah and [bless] your children on the day of their bar or bat mitzvah, and tell them how proud you are and how much you love them, and how glad you are to see them grow into young Jewish men and women.”
"I hope your children and your spouse tell you often how wonderful you are, and that their love and gratitude, and our love and gratitude, bring you joy.”
